Category: Isaacisms

At Isaac’s Music Class

Teacher:  “Nick went to the musical Annie.  Nick, where did you see Annie?”
Nick [as if the teacher was crazy]: “Um, in a theater. . . . .]

Isaac: “Dad, taste my ice cream.  It’s really good.”
Richard: “Okay.” [tastes ice cream].  “It is good.”
Isaac:  “Aha!  It’s poison ice cream!  Now you will die and I can do whatever I want.”
Richard: [feigns death].
Isaac: [grin changing to frown] “Oh no!  Mom!  [pause]  Um, Mom.  Taste my ice cream!”

Isaac: “Let’s read Pokemon tonight.”
Richard: “I’d rather read James and the Giant Peach.”
Isaac: “Dad!  You’re old!  You can read that by yourself!”

Isaac: “I’m just gonna have my girlfriend move in here and then wait for you and mom to die”

Richard [refuting all of Isaac’s efforts to deny the tale of his brother Ralph who was eaten by a giant lobster]: “You can’t out-story me.”

Isaac: “I’ll hit you with a hammer.”

Richard [stunned pause]

Isaac: “The End.”

Richard: “Maybe you and your friends should make a newspaper this summer.”
Isaac: “Okay.  You write the stories and I’ll make sure they have periods and capital letters.”

Isaac [getting ready to bury Zoom, his parakeet]:  “Hey, I’ve got an idea, lets hook a kite to the bolts in his neck and fly it during a storm.”

Richard: “That only works in movies.”
Isaac: “Really?  That’s boring.”

Isaac: “You know what I would do if I was a horse?  I’d go to Dairy Queen and lick everyone’s ice cream.  They can’t put me in jail.  I’m a horse!”

Isaac [after falling off a rope swing]: “I broke my butt!  It hurts like a bad word!”

Isaac [to his brother Matt]:  “My dad would like being a dog, because he already watches movies in black-and-white.  But then he would be allergic to himself.”