Isaac: “I’m just gonna have my girlfriend move in here and then wait for you and mom to die”
Month: May 2013
Richard [refuting all of Isaac’s efforts to deny the tale of his brother Ralph who was eaten by a giant lobster]: “You can’t out-story me.”
Isaac: “I’ll hit you with a hammer.”
Richard [stunned pause]
Isaac: “The End.”
Richard: “Maybe you and your friends should make a newspaper this summer.”
Isaac: “Okay. You write the stories and I’ll make sure they have periods and capital letters.”
Isaac [getting ready to bury Zoom, his parakeet]: “Hey, I’ve got an idea, lets hook a kite to the bolts in his neck and fly it during a storm.”
Richard: “That only works in movies.”
Isaac: “Really? That’s boring.”
Isaac: “You know what I would do if I was a horse? I’d go to Dairy Queen and lick everyone’s ice cream. They can’t put me in jail. I’m a horse!”
Like a Bad Word
Isaac [after falling off a rope swing]: “I broke my butt! It hurts like a bad word!”
Isaac [to his brother Matt]: “My dad would like being a dog, because he already watches movies in black-and-white. But then he would be allergic to himself.”
It’s Your Fault I’m Not on Fire!
Richard [to Isaac who is finding reasons to be sad at bedtime]: “Why are you sad? You and I are the only ones who didn’t catch on fire today.”*
Isaac [forcing the tears]: “It’s your fault! I wanted to get close to the fire and you wouldn’t let me!! You’re mean.”
*Paige set her hair on fire with birthday candles; Ben burned the hair off his arm while grilling.
When Richard has a stroke, you will know why.
Paige: "Alan Alda died."
Richard [checking wikipedia]: "No, he’s alive."
Paige: "Well, then who died?"
Richard [apoplectic]: ‘What?!! How can I answer that? Everyone dies!"
Isaac [grinning like a devil]: "Who died?"
Paige [all teary-eyed over the candy bracelet Isaac gave her for Mother’s Day]: “You can never go wrong giving me chocolate.”
Isaac: ‘What if it’s chocolate with a fish inside it?”
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