Month: November 2012

Special Thanksgiving Guest Isaacism Today!

Mom [to her toddler]: “Winston, let’s go wash your face!”

Winston: [Lifts up the bottom of his shirts, rubs it across his lips.  Smiles].

Richard:  “The school eye exam suggests Isaac may need glasses.  I’m skeptical unless you or I are in the room when the exam is done.  First graders are too silly to pay attention.”

Paige: “I’ve been suspecting he might need glasses.  He will point at someone and say “oh, that’s so-and-so” and then argue until he gets close enough to see it isn’t.”

Richard: “You do that.”

Paige:  “I know.  And I need glasses”

Isaac [frustrated with a game]:  “I hate this game!   It’s too hard.  No one could do this!  The people who made this game are awful. They just want to make kids say ‘Damn It!’  I know that’s why they made it!”

Isaac: “Monsters aren’t real. Except for angels and bats.”

Isaac [talking to a computer he has made by folding a piece of paper in half and drawing a keyboard and a screen]:  “Uh huh. Yeah.  I hope so.”

Richard: “What are you doing?”

Isaac: “Talking to my Mom on, um, what’s that thing you use to talk to her on the computer?”

Richard: “Skype”

Isaac: “Yeah, I’m talking to Mom on Skype.”

Richard: “Do you want to draw a picture of her on your screen so you can see her better.”

Isaac: “No!  That’s a terrible idea.  What if I want to look at something other than my Mom!?”

Isaac: “Hello”

Richard: “Hi Isaac, what are you doing?”

Isaac: “Hanging up.  Bye!” [click]

Isaac: ” Dad, it’s donut day!  Can you go get donuts?”
Richard: “I suppose.  But why do I always have to do it?  Maybe I’ll get poison donuts. . . .”
Isaac:  “Dad!  There’s no such thing as poison donuts!  Bad guys don’t have time to make donuts. They are very busy.” 

Isaac [looking at the “I Voted” sticker on his shirt]: “Guess what we did today?”

Richard: “Um, voted for president?”

Isaac: “How did you know?!”

Richard: “Who did you vote for?”

Isaac: “I don’t know. Wait, the first one, A. I voted for A.”

Richard: “Who was A?”

Isaac: “Let me think. A was Oklabama; B was the Other Person. Yeah, I’m sure I voted for A.”

Isaac: “You know why Darth Vader can’t turn good until he is a ghost? It’s that black armor. It keeps the good out. It puts nails in his heart, and the good can’t push in. The nails in his heart keep the good out until he leaves his body and becomes a ghost. Then his ghost heart is open and the good can get in.”