Isaacisms

Richard [helping Isaac with his homework]: “Just erase that and try again.”
Isaac [erasing with vigor]: “Do you know how much my teacher hates sloppy erasing?”
Richard: “With the fiery passion of 1000 suns?”
Isaac [pausing to ponder]: “No, probably not that much."  But a lot.”

Isaac [despairing over his homework]: “I’ll never be able to do all these worksheets!”
Richard: “Just get started, and don’t worry about it.”
Isaac: “No!  It’s too much!”
Richard: “Isaac, you know how to eat an elephant? One . . . ”
Isaac [interrupting]: “I don’t have time for one of your dumb stories!   Look at all this paper!”

At an antique shop, Georgetown Texas.

Nice Grandmotherly Shopkeeper [to Isaac]: “Do you like my store?”
Isaac: “It’s kind of boring.”
Shop Keeper: “Oh, that’s too bad.  I guess you don’t want to see a real sword, since the store is boring.”
Isaac: “Well, um, I meant jewelry is boring.  I just don’t like jewelry.”

Shop Keeper [showing him the sword]: “Hold it tight, it’s kind of heavy.  It’s from the Civil War way back in 1826.”
Richard: “1862?”
Shop Keeper: “You know, I’m so old, I almost remember it.  I knew that!”
Isaac: “Wow, the Silver War!”

Shop Keeper [showing Isaac some miniature dominoes carried by soldiers]: “The soldiers needed something to do when they sat around the campfire, so they made these tiny dominoes out of bones so they could play games.”
Isaac: “They dug up people’s bones and made these?  Gross!”

Shop Keeper: “Do you play marbles?”
Isaac: “I love marbles!  My friends and me play all the time!”
Shop Keeper:  “Since you decided my store wasn’t boring, I want to give you this.  It’s a clay marble some soldiers made.  They probably turned the clay purple with grape juice and then fired it in their camp fire.”
Isaac [holding it carefully]: “Wow!  This is the most special thing I’ve ever owned!”

Isaac [after 8 hrs at Whitestone Hill, ND, including a 45 minute talk by Richard]: “Was this some sort of battlefield or something?”

Afterthought: part of the point we were trying to make was that Whitestone Hill was more massacre than battle, so maybe he was paying attention.

Isaac [walking around the tombstones at Whitestone Hill, ND]: “Hey!  Are these rips?”

rips =R.I.P.s

Radio: “blah, blah, blah, Anthony Weiner, blah blah.”
Isaac [quietly]: “Weiner” [giggles]

Read Kitties first.

Isaac [holding a bunny at the County Fair]: “You should move out so I can get this bunny.  They only cost $10.”
Richard: “I can’t move out.  It’s my job to raise you and help you become a man.”
Isaac: “I don’t need any help.  What’s to do? I grow up, and bam!, I’m a man!”

Isaac [holding a kitty at the County Fair]:  “Can we get one?  They are so cute!”
Richard: “No, I’m allergic to furry creatures.  They can’t live in the house with me.”

[15 minutes later]

Isaac: “You should move out.  I really want a kitty more than living with you.  Kitties are babies and more important.”
Richard: “Won’t you miss me?”
Isaac: “Not too much.  After a year or so, when I am tired of the kitty, I’ll come live with you for awhile.”

Isaac [at the County Fair, looking at the Sheriff in his brown uniform]: “Why is the UPS man here?”

The scene: Richard is standing in the front yard, eating oatmeal for lunch (like most days), watching the neighborhood urchins play. 

N., the nine-year neighbor girl: “Why are you always eating oatmeal?”
Richard: “It’s yummy, and good for my heart and my health.”
N.: “Then why are you always sick?”