Isaacisms

Isaac [after falling off a rope swing]: “I broke my butt!  It hurts like a bad word!”

Isaac [to his brother Matt]:  “My dad would like being a dog, because he already watches movies in black-and-white.  But then he would be allergic to himself.”

Richard [to Isaac who is finding reasons to be sad at bedtime]: “Why are you sad? You and I are the only ones who didn’t catch on fire today.”*

Isaac [forcing the tears]: “It’s your fault! I wanted to get close to the fire and you wouldn’t let me!!  You’re mean.”

*Paige set her hair on fire with birthday candles; Ben burned the hair off his arm while grilling.

When Richard has a stroke, you will know why.

Paige: "Alan Alda died."
Richard [checking wikipedia]: "No, he’s alive."
Paige: "Well, then who died?"
Richard [apoplectic]: ‘What?!! How can I answer that? Everyone dies!"
Isaac [grinning like a devil]: "Who died?"

Paige [all teary-eyed over the candy bracelet Isaac gave her for Mother’s Day]: “You can never go wrong giving me chocolate.”

Isaac: ‘What if it’s chocolate with a fish inside it?”

Richard: “Isaac, go keep Ben company outside.  He’s probably lonely and sad.”

Isaac: “Now he’s not!  He’s looking at the grill and smiling!”

Richard [looks out at grill with 4 ft flames leaping out]: “Oh.  Go outside anyway!”

Richard [opening the Netflix envelope]:  “Holy Crap!  Werner Herzog’s Happy People is here!  It’s going to be great!”

Isaac:  “Is that like Phineas and Ferb: Across the 2nd Dimension?”

Richard: “Sort of.  Well, probably not that good.”

Isaac: ‘Dad.  Find some termites eating wood, and then eat them.  You can tell me what wood tastes like.”

[Context:  Isaac loves the tale of my eating termites straight from a mound in the jungle.  Just lick your finger and they will stick to it.  Mine tasted like mint, because they were eating grass.]

Richard: “What was the best part of school today?”

Isaac:  “Music class, definitely. We sang a fun song.”
Richard: “What is your music teacher’s name?”
Isaac: “Mr. Music.”
Richard: “Do you know his real name?”
Isaac: “Mr. Mozart.” [slowly smiles ear-to-ear].

Richard [watching Boundless with Isaac]:  “I don’t want to hear you using those words Turbo says.”
Isaac: “I don’t know what he says.  He just says “BEEP”!”