Bad Guy Donuts

Isaac: ” Dad, it’s donut day!  Can you go get donuts?”
Richard: “I suppose.  But why do I always have to do it?  Maybe I’ll get poison donuts. . . .”
Isaac:  “Dad!  There’s no such thing as poison donuts!  Bad guys don’t have time to make donuts. They are very busy.” 

Oklabama

Isaac [looking at the “I Voted” sticker on his shirt]: “Guess what we did today?”

Richard: “Um, voted for president?”

Isaac: “How did you know?!”

Richard: “Who did you vote for?”

Isaac: “I don’t know. Wait, the first one, A. I voted for A.”

Richard: “Who was A?”

Isaac: “Let me think. A was Oklabama; B was the Other Person. Yeah, I’m sure I voted for A.”

Nails in the Heart

Isaac: “You know why Darth Vader can’t turn good until he is a ghost? It’s that black armor. It keeps the good out. It puts nails in his heart, and the good can’t push in. The nails in his heart keep the good out until he leaves his body and becomes a ghost. Then his ghost heart is open and the good can get in.”

Special Guest at the Post Office

Nice Lady:  “I need a sheet of stamps:”
Nice Clerk: “Which kind?”
Nice Lady: “Oh, I guess I want to get Breast Cancer.”
Richard [cracks up]

For young people. Stamps are small stickers you put on an envelope and someone will deliver the actual physical item to a distant location. Stamps have pictures on them, and these change and have themes. This months theme is “Breast Cancer Awareness.”

Jail

Paige: “Write your last name also.”
Isaac [whining]: “Noooo, I don’t want to!”
Richard: “You have to know how to spell your last name.  What if you get arrested?  If you can’t spell your last name for the police, we won’t be able to find you and get you out of jail.”
Isaac: “Okay. Fine. R – O . . .”

Portal

Isaac:  “I wonder if this portal is working yet?”  [Runs full speed into wall].  “Nope, still broken.”

Joe:  “Maybe you aren’t doing it right.  Let me try.”  [Runs full speed into wall].   “Oh, you were right.  It’s still broken.”