Isaacisms

N. [one of the neighborhood kids]: “Richard, you need to mark next Monday on your phone calendar.  We are going to Como Park for our birthday, and won’t be able to come over and play with you.”

Richard: ‘Isaac, time to read a book.”
Isaac: “Okay.  I might need help with the romantic words.”
Richard: “What are romantic words?”
Isaac: “You know, words that are really long.”

At Isaac’s Music Class

Teacher:  “Nick went to the musical Annie.  Nick, where did you see Annie?”
Nick [as if the teacher was crazy]: “Um, in a theater. . . . .]

Isaac: “Dad, taste my ice cream.  It’s really good.”
Richard: “Okay.” [tastes ice cream].  “It is good.”
Isaac:  “Aha!  It’s poison ice cream!  Now you will die and I can do whatever I want.”
Richard: [feigns death].
Isaac: [grin changing to frown] “Oh no!  Mom!  [pause]  Um, Mom.  Taste my ice cream!”

Isaac: “Let’s read Pokemon tonight.”
Richard: “I’d rather read James and the Giant Peach.”
Isaac: “Dad!  You’re old!  You can read that by yourself!”

Isaac: “I’m just gonna have my girlfriend move in here and then wait for you and mom to die”

Richard [refuting all of Isaac’s efforts to deny the tale of his brother Ralph who was eaten by a giant lobster]: “You can’t out-story me.”

Isaac: “I’ll hit you with a hammer.”

Richard [stunned pause]

Isaac: “The End.”

Richard: “Maybe you and your friends should make a newspaper this summer.”
Isaac: “Okay.  You write the stories and I’ll make sure they have periods and capital letters.”

Isaac [getting ready to bury Zoom, his parakeet]:  “Hey, I’ve got an idea, lets hook a kite to the bolts in his neck and fly it during a storm.”

Richard: “That only works in movies.”
Isaac: “Really?  That’s boring.”

Isaac: “You know what I would do if I was a horse?  I’d go to Dairy Queen and lick everyone’s ice cream.  They can’t put me in jail.  I’m a horse!”